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In second grade I saw
from across the street
a Doberman pincher bite
my kindergarten sister
on the arm as she was
walking home from school
Was that before or after
I fished an Excedrin bottle
from an open trash bin
opened it and extracted
the last pill which I chewed
declaring "Excedrin headache
#27" just like I had seen on TV
I subsequently barfed out
the strawberry Pop-Tarts
I had for breakfast all over
the sidewalk and still walked
to school albeit a bit late
Was that the most infamous
chomp of my life? I did celebrate
my 41st birthday with my mother
at the mall food court (her treat)
I ordered a clam chowder which
was sloppily spooned into
a Styrofoam cup which the
cashier/server wiped with
a wash rag to sop off the excess
Two hours later I felt a rumbling
storm in my stomach which
turned into increasingly intense
vomiting every hour until I told
my wife to drive me to the hospital
She escorted my bent over frame
to my bright red Nissan Hardbody
and drove me to the emergency
room in El Monte where I lay
on a bed motionless and passed
the moment of my Halloween birth
not much later I was pronounced
well enough to be driven home
Those are the only consumptions
I remember of any consequence
other than miniscule mosquito
spider and human love bites
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